Mum is having a hard time coping, she spends too much in her bedroom and only comes out to have her meal. I have not seen her smile and it seems to be getting worse. I keep telling her to hold on, it will get better, I am not sure if she hears me. I also have my moments but I am slowly picking myself up. Ayden and Ariel are the life of the house. They always have stories from school and they make the house alive. They are growing so quickly and they miss you terribly. Last evening they found me in my room and they were like, is daddy proud of us? Sure he is and I bet he is smiling down at you right about now. They smiled and walked out. I wish I could be like them even for a day.
I worry that mum will never recover; ooh how I wish you would just visit her even for a minute and re-assure her that she will be alright. I wish you could dance with her even one last time. I wish you could hold her close to your chest, the way you did on my graduation day. She was glowing and she knew she was safe in your arms. Dad, will the pain ever go away? Some days are tough, others are easy but I have learnt how to cope on both days because I need them. I miss you dropping me at work every morning on your way to the office. Work is good, I finally understand what you used to tell me, working life robs you of so much and gives you freedom. I enjoy working, it helps me grow and my work environment is pleasant. Mum finally allowed me to start driving the car. I was so freaked out when I first did it on my own. I kept second guessing myself and though I would get hit. Mum called me like five times just to make sure that I got to the office safely. She offered to go with me till I was confident enough. I still have a long way to go.
Ayden and Ariel will be graduating at the end of the year; I am so looking forward to it. They have your tendencies especially when it is dinner time. Mum smiles when it’s dinner time, she knows food will vanish in a second. They both love chicken so mum is always trying new recipes for them. She tells me they remind her of you especially Ariel. He sits like you and is always saying grace before we have dinner. Ayden loves speed, he is always telling me to step on it when we are late for church. Having both of them in my space is having the younger you ordering me around. I hope you are pleased with the milestones they are over-coming. Grandma visited and she was amazed at how they have grown. She was looking at you for a minute through their eyes. They laughed so hard with mum when both boys fell on their bikes and just sat there wondering how to help each other. They enjoyed having grandma around. Her stories about you were so hilarious we went to bed in the morning.
I finally learnt how to cycle, remember how Ayden and Ariel laughed at me when I fell flat on my face? They gave me tips on how to learn the art of balancing. At least one of us made use of the early morning classes. We will all be participating in a charity cycling competition next month to raise money for special needs children. We started cycling together on Saturdays, just to polish our act before the event. I wish you can be part of it but I know you will be with us in spirit. We are all looking forward to the competition; mum is so excited she has invited the entire neighborhood. I love seeing her take back her life and pushing us to be the best people we can be. It gives me assurance that she is slowly healing from your absence.
I am not sure if the pain will ever go away, but I sure hope that it does go away. There is so much you were to teach me, so many things I wanted to do with you; the daughter /father activities that only you can help me with. Mum looks at me and she just smiles at the growth she sees. Ayden and Ariel are gentlemen with us whenever we are out for dinner. They are always opening doors for us, pulling our seats for us and serving us meals. Thank you for teaching them early that is never late to be gentlemen. I look at them and I know that they will be amazing dads and husbands one day.
We love you and there is no single day that we do not miss you and wish that you were here.
Your baby girl,